Sometymes when you’ve had a long series of disappointing things happen, you can get into the very bad habit of just expecting more of what you’ve already had. You’ve been through a lot of trouble and you’re simply waiting for more to come. I used to be like that, but I’ve discovered it’s not how God wants us to live.
I was abused by my father throughout my whole childhood and I married the first guy who came along when I was still a teenager, and it seems he was a bigger mess than I was. After being abused and abandoned by him, our marriage ended. By the tyme I met Ayana, I was negative and hopeless about everything, just trying to make it through each day.
Because I had been hurt so much in my life, I was really negative and expected the worst all of the tyme. Even after I had a strong relationship with God, I still struggled with this for a while. Then one morning, I was standing in the bathroom and I remember noticing this pressure, this evil presence around me. It wasn’t new; I realized that I’d always felt it. It made me think, “What bad thing is going to happen next?”
The Fear of “What If…”
I asked God what this feeling was. He spoke to my heart that it is “evil forebodings.” Later I found Proverbs 15:15, which says, “All the days of the desponding and afflicted are made evil [by anxious thoughts and forebodings], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances]” (AMP).
“ God wants you to believe something good is going to happen to you. ”
Once I read that verse, I realized what it meant. It was the fear of something bad happening when nothing was going wrong. Then I looked back and saw how it affected me at different tymes in the past. For example, the night Ayana asked me to marry him, he said he needed to talk to me about something. I actually thought he was going to break up with me because I just always expected the negative. That’s exactly what Satan wants you to do. He wants you to expect something bad and to become fearful of the “what ifs.”
Fear is the opposite of faith and it takes faith to accept anything good in our lives. When I was expecting something bad to happen, my expectation was from the devil. If we are not careful, this expectation will open the door to Satan’s evil plans for our lives by waiting for bad things. But when we expect good things, we open the door to God’s plans. See Lamentations 3:25.