How often have you said that if only God would speak to you through a burning bush like He did to Moses, or if He’d speak to you through a donkey like He did with Balaam . . . then you’d know what He wanted you to do and then you’d be willing to follow His lead? But – absent a Burning bush or talking donkey, well . . . we’re just left to try to figure out what God wants or hope that He will be pleased with the decisions we make. Right? Although I’ve had many similar experiences in the past, let me tell you about a recent encounter I had that really re-enforced how active God is in our lives and how much He wants us to turn to Him and follow where He leads.
And as I write, the chatter in my head is consistent and clear:
“Who are you talking to?”
“Well . . . I think so. Yeah, maybe. Maybe I’m talking to God and to me. Maybe just me?”
“Does it matter?”
“Nope.” Hey! I’m not crazy! Maybe a little different?
It is inevitable that when I pray I do wonder about who’s “listening.” I wonder where the words go. I remember once asking a friend, who is deaf, to tell me what prayer was like for her. Her answer helped me shift away from the very literal way I so often prayed. Prayer can be so much more than a word transaction. Her prayers, of course, were just so embodied and “felt.”
Now, as I write my I tend to talk to myself or so I thought? I’m nearly spellbound by the depth of the words–where they come from within me, regardless of where they might be “going.” I want to re-trace them to their source–those words I’ve just painted on my page. I want to follow them back to that spot of genesis that is me–my own, solo voice. Words like these:
So maybe that voice, from that depth, is precisely the way God speaks to me–to us. Could that be the way God speaks back to me–through my own voice? When I pray for others I hear and feel my care and concern for them in the precise and premeditated words I choose. When I pray holding a hand, or following on a worry for someone, I try very hard to be genuine and real. And somehow I sense that God joins me in that–or even that God is the very source of my care and honesty. But these deeply personal prayers; these words I’ve written for me, about me, from deep inside me–these have some sort of very different quality. Sure, they are genuine and honest–but they are stronger, and stranger. They come from that spot that is me, before I can even evaluate their “truthiness.” They are, just literally, me. The words themselves are me–the words become flesh and bones. I become me through them.
Well as God works in my life he continually does more and more amazing things. Something pretty new that he has been doing or at least I have been noticing lately is as I am speaking to a group, the words that God uses through me are also directed to me. I mean I am saying stuff that I didn’t “practice” to say and its good advice and then I hear a still and silent voice say, your not doing what your telling them to do. I mean it’s crazy that God can speak to you as words are coming out of your mouth.
This has recently started with me and at first I didn’t like it and was like Um, you talking to me, God? He was like yeah! I hope you don’t think your words are better then mine? These words are about you, too! but remember, I am using you as a vessel to say something Jesus needs to be said to this person or persons. So then God says Dre’, though you have prepared well to say what you have studied, please allow me, The Holy Spirit, the opportunity to Heal who I came to Heal and oh by the way listen because these words are for you as well.
This has been on my heart pretty heavy, because God is continually showing me that our lives are to serve others. People need to know that they are cared for and that they are worth it. God knows we all experience pain, some of us get it and some of us give it, but we all experience it. God wants us to realize it doesn’t matter if you didn’t get something you thought you really wanted or deserved. In the end, God first wants us to love ourselves so that then we can truly love others. It is really hard to remember that my life is not about me, but God always has a cool was of reminding me of this truth. So just to recap the question at the title of this Post, the answer from God is a YES! I am talking to You, My Child!